Writer's Block

What’s something most people don’t understand?

Would you look at a blind person and tell them to read the sign at a cross walk or tell a person in a wheelchair to hurry up? If you have any manners or decency in you…Of course not!! Because what we can clearly see, we can have some means of understanding for.

What about a girl, panic stricken out of breath, tears running down her cheeks, shoveling snow on the sidewalk, that’s about to have hundreds of kiddos trick or treating at the local businesses. K-9 dogs are barking in the middle of the street, just being a part of the event, as other businesses and people are scurrying to get their businesses or stands prepared for the kids to come in approximately 5 minutes. The girl has to run to get salt from the local hardware store due to the part of the sidewalk she was just told needed to be cleaned and clear was iced over. Running down the sidewalk, tears, out of breath, panicking and trying to cover her ears. No one stopped to ask her if she needed help. They looked at her like she was just an unhinged and an unstable person.

Here’s a paradox for you the girl in the situation was me  I was panic-strickened because I thought I had done something wrong, because I didn’t know about the event on Halloween, with the kids coming and the trick or treating at the local businesses, where I reside. I was notified approximately 10 minutes prior if even. I have PTSD from childhood trauma, let me remind you I felt like I had done something wrong, without even given any proper notification of this event. I had run upstairs to grab the shovel to find out  I had to run back upstairs to grab my money after I noticed I needed salt. I had to run to the general store, I’m in tears now feeling I really have done something wrong, i really screwed up this time, worried about children slipping, the canine dogs are barking in the middle of the street, as they are welcoming people to the event, for me this is a trigger as I was in a drug raid as a little girl. I’m frightened, scared, panicked, triggered, feel like I had done something wrong. My red light on my dashboard so to say, it’s telling me something is wrong in my environment even though it may not be. I physical ailments as well with my disability.  Arthritis, fibromyalgia, etc. I was in pain, I had limited time to get this done. I had to rip the bag open and have no cup to spread the salt evenly. I’m shoveling frantically trying to get this ice off the sidewalk.  I was told I needed to get it off even though it wasn’t even my responsibility, but I was thinking about the kids cuz I know how it feels to be a kid and to be in harm’s way and I was not going to be in a scenario in which any child was going to be in harm’s way because of my negligence of that sidewalk and they were going to have a good time and that sidewalk was going to be clean. I was going to go past my panic attack, past my fears,  past my PTSD from childhood trauma, past whose responsibility it was, past all my triggers and pain, and I was going to get the job done. Crying and frantic, to everybody else I look like a freak show.  Not one single person asked me if I needed help, not one person cared too. They judged me by my outside and didn’t know what really was going on inside and that is quite unfortunate, because since that day, I’ve never been able to look at this community the same or even feel that I’m ever going to be a part of this community no matter how hard I’ve tried to get better  It broke my heart and stomped on my determination I had to keep trying.

You see, if you just look outside the box if you just think what’s really going on inside someone’s mind or body compassion, patience and understanding just might come to light. Just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it’s not there. It doesn’t mean it’s not a struggle. It doesn’t mean that someone doesn’t have a sickness or illness or disability that they deal with on a daily basis that 24/7 attacks their ability to be in a normal environment, with normal people and act normal and be normal or feel normal. Or even be able to see the little things in life and feel the happiness from it. People with mental health  issues.. well, we’re robbed of that. A lot of people with depression and mental illness are robbed little things like that and that day robbed me of my dignity, my ego, and my self respect because I felt I didn’t handle that correctly. Nobody knew the environmental triggers I was dealing with on the outside and how I felt on the inside. They were all worried about my reaction and not what caused it. Everybody’s worried about the reaction and never about what caused the reaction. Cause and effect! People need to think outside the box. Life’s a struggle and the struggle is real. Stay kind, be kind, keep being kind, become kind and know that kindness brings out kindness and it is contagious. Mental illness is a disease of the brain and it is a real struggle for many people that you don’t even know have. Keep an open mind for the people that have a sick mind. You may not see it, but it’s there, thank you.