Writer's Block

It took me a long time to really think about what my dream job would be. As I sat there thinking, I felt a wave of grief come over me. My whole body felt heavy and anxiety kicked in. Due to the significant trauma I faced as a child, I have a lot of health conditions as an adult that are from the effects of that trauma.

I have always shorthanded myself in terms of feeling that I am not deserving of or that it wouldn’t be fair to others or a partner to have to take on me and my defects and defaults that came with me being sick. I always say “I’m nobodies future”.

I realized that I have lost touch with my true self and questioned myself if I knew what my true self even was. Who am I? What do I want out of life? What is my purpose? I thought to myself, I am just a broken, What good comes out of anything that is broken?

Then it just suddenly came to me. If hurt people will hurts others, could it be possible that hurt people could help hurt people?

I recently found out I’m Neuro divergent with somatic sensory processing problems at the age of 41 yrs. Gone undiagnosed my whole life. Finally answers! I’m in recovery, Attending meetings weekly. Celebrate Recovery, All Recovery, Adult Child of Alcoholic/dysfunctional families, and Al-anon. I am starting to be able to see a slight glow at the end of the tunnel.

I am seeing that my struggles are an asset to be of service. I did some deep thinking and realized that I am not a victim, but only a strong survivor. I have decided that my dream job and my goal to one day is to become a Certified Peer Support Specialist. Turn my trauma into triumph and my desperation into determination and help, inspire, and encourage others to see their potential and achieve great things and to never give up.